The Honey And The Sting: Thanksgiving 2020

By Rabbi Boaz D. Heilman

By now, all the shopping is done, in fact some of the cooking is done, right? Or are you—like me—one of those who realizes halfway through a recipe that there’s one ingredient you forgot to buy and feel the urgent need to go to the store and get it?

Yes, it’s Thanksgiving time!

But oh my! How different this Thanksgiving is from all others! 

I don’t know how you are going to celebrate it. I know I’m preparing my usual: butternut squash soup (that’s the one item I was talking about that I forgot to buy—the squash!), smoked turkey breast with mashed potatoes, green beans topped with toasted almonds; and for dessert, pumpkin pie. No cranberry sauce this year, as I’m the only one who appreciates this delicacy in my house, and it’s only going to be Sally and I at the table (and Trapper under, waiting for anything that “falls” from our plates).

And there’s the rub! 

How strange not to be sitting around a table with a host of friends and family, sharing stories, joking, laughing, enjoying a meal that everybody contributes to! The very thought of this saddens me to no end.

So how will Sally and I deal with this strange meal? We’ll open a bottle of wine and enjoy each other’s company. We will reminisce about past Thanksgivings and then we’ll talk about how we will celebrate next year.

Because that’s the whole point. “This year”—in the words of the Passover Haggadah—“we are in the land of Mitzrayim [the place of narrowness and confinement]. Next year, in Jerusalem!” This year we won’t go anywhere, we won’t join a circle of family or friends, so that we can do exactly that next year! We cannot risk our own health or the health of any of our loved ones, no matter how strong the urge.

And instead of giving in to gloom, we will light extra candles, decorate our table and take out the nice dishes. We will express our gratitude for what we have right now—our health, our lives, good food, each other. We will say a prayer thanking God for this moment—and ask for strength and hope to keep us going. 

In one of our prayerbook meditations, we read about the sadness that entraps us when we miss someone terribly. “Give me away,” is the concluding line. If we can’t share the moment with loved ones this Thanksgiving, perhaps we can share some of our blessings with others in other ways. Give extra, unneeded winter coats with the homeless; share extra food (you know there’s going to be lots of leftovers!) or dessert with first responders. Bring food to food banks, donate Thanksgiving dinners to rescue missions and neighbors who live alone. 

Psalm 121 in our Holy Scriptures opens with the words, “I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from Adonai, Maker of heaven and earth.” For, as we look up to the snow-covered peaks, we sense not only our own minuteness but also grandeur and hope. Let the mountains that surround us remind us of the resilience and strength embedded in all of us. Yes, the holidays coming up will be different this year, but we will come up with different ways to exchange gifts. Yes, we will miss terribly being with beloved friends and family, but we will connect through various apps and devices. It may not feel the same, but it’s as good as it gets this year, and that’s good enough!

So go ahead and make those phone calls; connect on FaceTime or Zoom; leave a note on your neighbor’s door. Ask if there is anything you can do to help. Accept help if you need it.

That’s the kind of thanksgiving God would expect of us this year. 

I wish you the happiest, warmest, most delicious Thanksgiving! And may we all celebrate properly next year, in joy and good health.

© 2020 by Boaz D. Heilman