Rejection and Jealousy: The Ancient Roots of Hatred

D’var Torah for Parashat Vayeira

By Rabbi Boaz D. Heilman

November 6, 2020

Of all the terrible and disturbing things that take place in the Torah’s first book, Genesis, one that’s way up there takes place in this week’s portion, Vayeira (“And he saw,” Gen. 18:1-22:24). So maybe it isn’t the humongous flood that destroyed almost all life on earth; and it isn’t even the dramatic destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. On a grand scale, the episode I’m referring to is just one small incident. But the consequences last to this day.

It’s the story of Abraham casting Hagar and Ishmael out into the wilderness.

Favoritism is a recurring motif in Genesis. God starts it out by choosing Abel over Cain, and we know what that led to. Then, not quite having learned the lesson, God chooses Noah and kills everyone else. The yet-to-come story of Jacob and Esau, in which Jacob becomes the favorite son while Esau is left out in the cold is yet another example; and this sequence will continue with the story of Joseph and his brothers. It seems that no one learns the real lesson here, the one that underlies many broken families, that is the cause of racism and bigotry, as well as of almost all historic hatreds that to this day pit nation against nation.

Favoritism is a huge motif in a tragedy that plays itself out over and over. Nothing hurts quite so much as rejection; nothing leaves such an indelible mark on a person’s soul, causing confusion, displacement, loss of identity, and even death.

I happened to watch a short film the other day, “Trevor.” This 1994 Academy-Award-winning film is corny yet charming; it’s funny but painful; it’s hopeful, yet not altogether realistic.

In this coming-of-age story, Trevor is a young teen who realizes that he is gay. Rejected by friends and family, he attempts suicide while listening to his “fave,” Diana Ross. Spoiler alert: Trevor survives. He is befriended by a gay hospital volunteer who invites him to a Diana Ross concert, and it’s a new dawn for Trevor.

Unfortunately, this isn’t always how these stories end. Statistics paint a much darker picture. While suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people ages 10-24, LGBTQ youth are almost five times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to heterosexual youth, and almost five times as likely to require medical treatment. Moreover, LGBTQ youth who come from highly rejecting families are almost 10 times as likely to attempt suicide as their peers who reported no or low levels of family rejection. 

This shocking reality is what makes The Trevor Project such an important organizations in the United States today, providing crisis counseling and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ people under 25. 

It doesn’t take more than one or two personal experiences to understand the vital work of the Trevor Project.

The truth is that we are all born unique, different and special in our own way. Each of us has gifts and talents that make us valuable individuals. Sometimes we don’t recognize this truth—either about ourselves or about others. Fear of ostracism and violence, as well as social, cultural and religious pressures, bear heavily on us, forcing us to conform. For many young people who may be questioning their identity and sexual orientation, the challenges these restrictions pose are complex and often disabling.

Fortunately, much has changed for the LGBTQ community over the past few years. The Center for Disease Control reports that the US suicide rate dropped last year for the first time in more than a decade.  

Family rejection is also less common today than in the past. 

Yet, despite new recognition and acceptance of gender diversity, the struggle for equality and for the chance to live free from fear are far from over. The uncertainties caused by COVID and the recent elections have caused a spike in anxiety among endangered youth, particularly among the Black community. In Washington, D.C., The US Supreme Court has taken up once again an LGBTQ case that pits freedom of conscience against the rights of minority groups, and the recent swearing-in of Judge Amy Coney Barrett could reverse the trend in recent years of advancing protections for all minority groups.  

Sometimes I wonder what the world would look like today if Ishmael had not been cast out of Abraham and Sarah’s tent. Would the two boys, half-brothers Ishmael and Isaac, have learned to live with one another? Would they have learned to accept their differences and respect the Divine Image in one another?

Or would jealousy and stigmas still remain, causing even more mockery, oppression and persecution?

The purpose of Biblical stories is to teach us life-long lessons. Yet they also shape us, giving form and direction to our existence. It’s also possible of course that they are no more than a reflection of our innate human condition, set deep in our genes and DNA. Either way, bigotry and prejudice are a part of who and what we are, and we will forever be wrestling with them, forever on a quest to reach equality, acceptance and mutual respect.

We are living through challenging times today. It will take the effort and contribution of each of us if we are to surmount the many obstacles that stand before us. Let us hope that we learn from our past mistakes, so that the future we hand to our children will be more promising than it seems right now. The path to unity begins with each one of us, with the understanding that no one is better than another, that we are all created with the Divine Image embedded within us, and that each of us, regardless of color, race, or gender identity, has an equally important role to play and an equally worthy goal to reach.

© 2020 by Boaz D. Heilman