Uncommon Ground, Holy Ground

Uncommon Ground, Holy Ground

D’var Torah for Parashat Ki Teitzei

By Rabbi Boaz D. Heilman

Derech eretz (“the way of the world”) is a Hebrew idiom that covers a broad spectrum of behavior.  It is about common courtesy and decency, but it’s also about showing a bit of extra consideration, about going out of your way to do the right thing.  This week’s Torah portion (Ki Teitzei, Deuteronomy 21:10—25:19), gives a number of examples—72 to be exact. 

Yet, these examples are often far from common occurrences.  They describe events that take us out of the realm of the ordinary.  It’s easy, for example, to return a lost object (Deut. 22:1), but the next verse demands that, if we can’t immediately find the rightful owner we must make extensive inquiries to find him.  Throughout the portion we are taught—and even warned—that in doing the right thing we must often go out of our way and take the extra step, despite the possible inconvenience.

Why should derech eretz be sanctified as a mitzvah—a commandment—from God?  Isn’t it enough to teach it as the decent thing to do?  Must we bring God into it?

A part of answer is that the Torah makes derech eretz a mitzvah so as to reinforce the lesson.  After all, it’s so much easier to just keep the find, to try to get away with the easy way out.  But doing better than what’s simple and easy—that’s what the Torah is all about.  Yes, God is found everywhere, but when we take the extra step to be considerate of another person’s (or even an animal’s) feelings, we make sure that God is present there too.

There are many ways to bring God into our everyday life.  Simple acts of kindness, prayers and blessings do enrich our lives with spiritual light.  What this week’s Torah portion talks about, however, is more complicated.  It’s about acts that that take us out of our comfort zone beyond the ordinary.  That, after all, is the meaning of the title Ki Teitzei:  “When you go out.”

The commandments given in this portion are part of a bigger lesson that God wants us to learn:  Recognition that sometimes we have to go out of our way to find God.

Human relationships are complex and complicated.  Temptation often stands in the way; greed and anger often divert us from the proper path; prejudice blinds our better judgment.  Civilization has (arguably) progressed in the past 3000 years, but every step along this path came about only after great deliberation, debate and, in some cases, even wars.  One of the latest of these debates is the issue of same-sex marriage.

When I first began my rabbinic studies in 1995, same sex marriages were illegal in all 50 states.  Today, it is legal in six states and in Washington D.C.  Bringing God into a marriage is simple; bringing God into a same-sex marriage—not so simple.  Just listen to speakers at the Republican National Convention, including Ann Romney, who claimed the other night that she and her husband “have a real marriage.”  God bless them—they do; but does that mean that God’s presence cannot be present at a same-sex wedding?  Would that be because they aren’t children of God?  Or because they don’t love one another?  Because they can’t build a home together or raise children together, or be productive members of society, churches and temples? 

This weekend, Sally and I will be walking our son, Yoni, down the aisle to be married to his partner, Trevor.  The two have known one another for several years now.  It was love at first sight for them both, and they have been there for one another all along, supportive of one another at times of happiness and sadness, health and illness, joy and despondence.  They hope to have a family somewhere down the road, and meanwhile are both enrolled in school programs that are training them to be teachers and caretakers of our youth.  They are both loving, moral, good and generous people, true and loyal to one another, to their family and to their friends. 

Yes, there are many in this country and elsewhere who claim that their love cannot be recognized, that their marriage cannot be sanctified by either society’s or God’s laws.  Yet what this week’s Torah portion asks us to do is exactly that:  To go beyond our comfort zone, to bring God’s presence into all of our relationship, not only those we may feel comfortable in.

It isn’t God’s laws that prevent some of us from sanctioning same-sex weddings; it’s our own prejudices and ignorance.  Ki Teitzei recognizes the complexity of human behavior.  In each of us, tradition and innovation struggle on a daily basis.  Within us, instinct and impulsive behavior vie with a higher calling of morals and ethics.   Ki Teitzei would have us examine our motives and long-held beliefs and restructure our everyday behavior along the lines of generosity and understanding, acceptance and love.  No matter how difficult that may be.

Yes, it’s easier to find God within our reach—but so much harder to grasp that God exists out there, too, beyond us.  We must recognize that God exists not only in what is, but also in what may come to be.  And it is toward that goal that we must reach—not for God’s sake, but for our own.

©2012 by Boaz D. Heilman